Disenfranchised Grief and Validating Unseen Loss
Grief is a natural human response to the loss of someone or something important, but not all forms of grief receive the recognition and support they deserve.
Disenfranchised grief is a term used to describe the unique pain that arises when society doesn’t acknowledge or validate a particular loss. This can be extremely painful and impact how we process grief.
In this blog, we’ll explore disenfranchised grief, to understand and normalise this often overlooked experience. We’ll also cover some examples and ways that a therapist may support and validate an unrecognised loss.
Understanding Disenfranchised Grief
Our society tends to hold certain standards and expectations around grief. Disenfranchised grief occurs when a person experiences a loss that is not openly acknowledged or socially validated. This often happens when grief doesn’t align with broader societal expectations.
Examples of Disenfranchised Grief
Unlike more "traditional" forms of grief, which often involve the death of a loved one, disenfranchised grief can stem from a variety of situations, including:
Loss of a Pet: The death of a loved pet can be just as devastating as losing a human family member, yet it's often not treated with the sympathy and compassion it deserves, rather it can be dismissed or minimised by others.
Miscarriage or Stillbirth: Parents who experience the loss of a pregnancy may encounter a lack of understanding or support from those who haven't endured this extremely difficult loss. They may find themselves grieving behind closed doors due to this lack of understanding.
Loss of a Nontraditional Relationship: Disenfranchised grief occurs when someone loses a close friend, co-worker, or even an online friend, and society fails to recognise the depth of their emotional connection. This could be an estranged parent, or parent you have told people you hate or don’t have a relationship with. This grief becomes disenfranchised when people don’t understand the complexity of how the loss has impacted you.
Grief for What Was Lost During the Pandemic: The COVID-19 pandemic brought unprecedented change and loss. People grieve for the life they once knew, they grieve for lost opportunities, and the profound impact of the pandemic on their mental health.
Non-Traditional Family Loss: Consider the example of a client who didn't have a relationship with one of their parents but is still grieving that parent's death. This loss can be deeply felt, even if societal norms may not recognise it as a "typical" source of grief.
Loss of Dreams and Aspirations: People often experience disenfranchised grief when their dreams and aspirations aren't realised. This might include not achieving a career goal, the end of a long-held dream, or the loss of an important life plan.
Having loss acknowledged, validated and supported is essential to our processing and healing of grief, so the lack of support someone experiences through disenfranchised grief can prolong their emotional pain.
How Normalisation and Validation support healing
It's crucial to validate disenfranchised grief and assure those experiencing it that their emotions are completely normal and valid. Grief is a natural response to significant loss, regardless of how society views it. Conflicting emotions, such as relief or anger, are also perfectly acceptable and common during disenfranchised grief.
How therapy can help
Grief can be a lonely and isolating experience. This is amplified with disenfranchised grief.
Therapists play an important role in helping clients navigate disenfranchised grief, walking alongside them and providing the space and tools to process their experience.
Let’s unpack this with the example of a client who didn't have a relationship with one of their parents but is struggling with that parent's death:
Creating a Safe Space: Therapists provide an empathetic and non-judgmental environment where clients can express their emotions, without feeling judged or needing to be something different for the other person.
Validating Emotions: Therapists will validate the client's feelings, appreciating that they may seem conflicting or unconventional and that’s quite okay, and normal. In the case of this client, acknowledging their complex mix of emotions is vital.
Exploration of the Relationship: Clients may need to explore the relationship (or lack thereof) they had with the deceased parent. This process can help them to better understand their grief.
Meaning-Making: Therapists can assist clients in finding meaning in their grief, helping them to integrate the loss into their life story, even if the relationship was strained or distant.
Coping Strategies: Therapists offer practical coping strategies for managing grief, including processing emotions, self-care practices, and ways to navigate the challenges of disenfranchised grief.
I am passionate about ensuring people know disenfranchised grief is valid. Like all grief, it is a deeply personal experience that deserves recognition and support. It is complex and individual, and every emotion experienced along the way is okay, and valid.
In grief therapy my hope is for you to honour and accept your experience of grief, and find your way to feeling acceptance and peace. Whether it's grief for what was lost during the pandemic or any other form of disenfranchised grief, please know that you are not alone, and your emotions do matter.
For more information about processing and growing through grief, you may like to read through the other blogs on grief in this series:
Navigating the uncharted waters of grief
Understanding the Evolving Stages of Grief and Healing with Modern Therapy Models
Nurturing Growth Amidst Grief: Understanding Lois Tonkin's Model
If you are wanting some support in navigating your loss, or managing the symptoms of grief and loss please feel free to get in touch.