Values - what are they and how can they support wellbeing?
Your values are like a compass, guiding how you want to behave and act towards yourself, others and the world around you.
Why care about values?
- When you know what you value it is easier to make decisions.
- Values offer you your north star for how you want to be in this world.
- When you know your values you are clearer on how you want to behave and be seen or portrayed.
How do I work out my values?
There are many ways to work out your values.
Here are 3 of my favourites:
1. Values Checklist exercise (here)
- Write out some core values that are important to you in different areas of your life. Or you can do this exercise,
- Then, rate them by: V (very important), Q (quite important), and N (not so important).
- You can use something like the Values Checklist to help guide you.
2. 1 year from now
If you’re going through a difficult time; look back, in a year's time and reflect on what qualities and strengths got you through. What values did you live by? What did you stand for? How did you treat yourself and others during this time? What was most important that it shone through at this time?
3. Role models
- Think of someone you admire and consider why you admire them?
- What do you think they value?
- What do they stand for; or what attracts you to respect and use them as a role model?
What do you stand for? What would your closest friends or family say you stand for?
- If you get stuck, imagine it’s your 90th birthday and you’re well and active, and a good friend is giving a speech about you. What would they say about you and about how you lived your life?
How can knowing my values help me? A metaphoric example
The Passengers on the Bus Metaphor
Imagine you’re driving a bus. There are passengers on the bus who you have collected across your lifetime (these are your internal experiences).
As you drive the bus, there are signposts along the way with your values pasted on them, keeping you on track.
You come to a fork in the road (a decision point) and your values sign is there to direct you which way to turn, and how to act.
Having your values front and centre in your mind means when you get to a crossroads, or you need to make a difficult decision, you have these anchors available to you, as objective indicators of what’s important. They can help you make decisions to support the life you wish to live and the person you wish to be. They are reminders of what we care about most and they guide us toward things we want to have more of, by turning our attention to them and experiencing them.
By knowing your values, you can:
- Use your values as inspiration to do the hard things
- Use them to motivate you to keep going
- Use them to add meaning to your life and remind you what is truly important to you
What are the values I want to live by?
Now that we’ve explored some ways to work out your core values, and how knowing your values can support you to be the person you want to be, it’s time to reflect on what you’ve discovered.
You might like to write down somewhere the values that you want to live by, and how you can act on those values in your day-to-day, and in your relationships.
Are values fixed?
No. Values can change through different life stages. What you value as a child can be different to what you value as an adult. Some may stay the same and others may change.
Do values change based on the setting you’re in?
They can. For some people their values infiltrate all areas of their lives, and for others, their work values and way of operating exhibit different values to how they are with family or friends.
How would your colleagues describe you, and what you value? How about your family and friends? Would they describe you and what you value in the same way, or would their description be different?
Values are a core pillar of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, a therapeutic approach that can support people to connect with the present moment, without judging it, and to take action based on their core values.
If you would like guidance to uncover and connect to your values, please get in touch. We can work together on an individualised approach to your needs.
If you’d like to learn more about aligning your life with your values, or working through these with someone, please do get in touch. As a counsellor and psychotherapist I can work with you in making the changes you would like, or deepening your awareness of Self, and in your healing.
Along with individual counselling and meditation sessions, I also offer corporate mindfulness and wellbeing workshops and programs (both in person and online).
Nicky is a qualified and registered Counsellor & Psychotherapist, Mindfulness Meditation Teacher and Yoga Teacher. With lived experience of stress, anxiety and overwhelm in her previous corporate career, Nicky is equipped personally and professionally to support you with tools and techniques to manage these life challenges.