Relieve stress and anxiety: the Circles of Concern, Influence and Control
A lot of worry, stress and anxiety comes from striving hard to fix or change things that are ultimately outside of our control. This can leave us feeling powerless and exhausted.
By understanding the Circles of Control, Concern and Influence, we can instead learn to turn our energy in the direction of what we can influence and control - and where we can make a positive difference.
In Stephen Covey’s book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, he introduces the concept of the Circles of Concern, Influence and Control. This model offers us a meaningful way to understand where we can place our energy in order to create meaningful change in our lives, without compromising our wellbeing.
Our capacity to recognise the difference between the things we can change and those we can't, helps build our internal resilience.
We can all too easily fall into a habit of spending much of our time thinking about all that we’re concerned about, and potentially experience the stress of this physically (tightening in the chest and shoulders), emotionally (feeling frustrated and emotionally exhausted) and mentally (through mind fatigue and increased anxiety). This is especially true when these concerns are outside of our control to change. This can create anxiety as we worry about things we have no ability, or limited ability to change.
Through my experience as a yoga and meditation teacher, and as a counsellor, I have learned effective practices that support both myself and my clients to navigate life’s challenges - and part of this work involves drawing on the Circles of Control, Influence and Concern. The circles of control, influence and concern can be used in helping us to set boundaries in where we spend time and attention. Read more in this blog about setting healthy boundaries.
This exercise has been shown to support resilience, and can be a beautiful act of self-care. It can be deflating, and/or stress invoking, to focus only on circumstances outside of our control, so this offers us the chance to proactively reflect on the things we can influence and change.
Let’s take a closer look at how this model can support us to focus our energy where it matters most, and find acceptance around the things we cannot change.
The Circle of Control
“Is it within my control?”
The circle of Control is a visual representation of the things we can typically control in our lives, for example:
How I treat others
My smile
What I consume
What I read
My words
My mindset
My work ethic
Me decisions
My attitude
My opinions
My effort
My choices
My response
My actions
You may notice that I haven’t included thoughts on this list. Thoughts are often included within the Circle of Control, however I do feel strongly that we are not always able to control our thoughts, as we may not have learned the skills to do so, or the situation may be too extreme. However, thoughts can move into our Circle of Control when we build our capacity to manage them, through techniques such as Mindfulness.
The Circle of Influence
“If it’s not in my control, can I exert influence?”
The Circle of Influence represents the things you can have some influence on in your life, such as:
Your health
Who you surround yourself with
Your sleep
Others mind set
Societal systems
Cultural norms
Others work ethic
Others decisions
Others choices
Others responses
Others actions
Others thoughts
Others attitudes
The Circle of Concern
“If I can’t control or influence it, can I learn to accept it?”
The Circle of Concern represents the things that concern you, either at home, at work, or more broadly in the world. Some of these concerns may fall inside the Circle of Influence, while others are beyond our control to change.
Political affairs*
Traffic
Climate change*
Community*
Pandemic
Weather
Environment
World affairs
War
Economy
*Can take actions to influence these concerns.
Outside of these Circles sits your ‘No Concern’ Zone.
Create your own Circle of Influence and Circle of Concern
Try this exercise out individually, with your family, or maybe even with your work team.
On a large sheet of paper, draw a big circle - this is your Circle of Concern.
Using sticky notes, write out your areas of Concern and place them inside this circle.
Then, draw another smaller circle in the middle of the first circle - this is your Circle of Control.
Move any sticky notes from the Circle of Concern (that you can actively control), into the middle of your Circle of Control.
Then, draw another circle in between the previous two circles - this is your Circle of Influence.
Consider whether you could influence some of the things that are out of your control. For example, choosing your response in a particular situation.
Next, go through the sticky notes within your Circle of Concern and see which ones could move into your Circle of Influence.
The more you explore these, you may come up with new solutions or ideas that continue to expand your Circle of Influence - reminding you of the areas in your life where you can make positive change.
Once you’ve completed the exercise, take note of the elements within your Circle of Control - these are the areas where you can direct your time and energy day-to-day, which can relieve feelings of overwhelm, stress and anxiety.
When we can focus our energy into the things we can control, we can move into a more proactive space - turning our energy in a direction where we can make a positive difference in our lives, and supporting our overall wellbeing.
Would you like more support around using thIS information to set boundaries, personally or professionally? I offer 1:1 counselling as well as mindfulness and meditation sessions. We can work together on an individualised approach to your needs, with strategies that suit your goals and your lifestyle. Read more about my approach and how I work on my website, and in this blog.
Book a complimentary 10-minute consultation to find out more.